Even the little stuff

Life is messy.  Really messy.  Well, maybe your life isn't messy, but mine sure is!  And I'm not talking like a little bit messy, I mean über gross, sometimes filthy, disgusting messy.  And it's not just the physical things in my life like dishes and old food in the sink, or the masses of clean and dirty laundry piled all over my room, or the toys strewn over every inch of the house.  No, it's also my health, and my spirit that are often perfect mirrors of my physical environment.  And I've  asked myself, "How did this get so out of control?  Why did I let this happen?"

Now before now, this reality triggered an unending cycle of frustration in my heart.

This is AWFUL!

You really need to fix this.

I must try HARDER!  I'll give my house a makeover!  I'll give my health a makeover!  I'll become the most faithful, Bible-reading, devotion-having, successful Christian wife and mother EVER.

Commence obsessive cleaning, dieting, praying, etc...

It usually takes me about three days before I'm back to business as usual.  The funny thing is, I've always known I was on the hamster wheel of personal transformation.  I just simply thought, "This time it will be different.  This time I'll do better.  This time I'll stick with it.  I'll have more discipline.  Everything will change, this time..."  Such good intentions.

But now, I finally must recognize my good intentions for what they are- SIN.  And why, Friends, are my well-intentioned motives so sinful?

Ah!  Listen to what my heart is actually saying...

I can do this!  I can make my life better!  I can change myself.  I don't need God's transformative power in my life, all I need is an uncompromising work ethic!

Well, if all this world needs is for people to try harder, then who needs salvation?!

So what's my point?

Without God's transformative power, I will NEVER get off the incessantly squeaky, stay-in-one place, never-get-anywhere hamster wheel of personal mediocrity.

There.  I said it.

I need God.  Only He has the power to transform a heart, a circumstance, a life.

So now I must surrender all.   Even all the little stuff I think I can handle.  Especially the little stuff.  Because it's the little stuff that keeps me independent, when God wants me dependent on Him.